My Co-Sleeping Journey or Why I Bought a King-Sized Bed

 

By Traci Ferris, Postpartum Doula, A Family Friend Postpartum Support

I never intended to co-sleep with my children. For all I knew, it was taboo to even consider bringing children into the “marital bed.” In my mind, the only association children had with the parents’ bed was conception. So naturally when I became pregnant with my first child, I was set on getting a nice crib, complete with cute décor. What a waste of money that was.

The day I brought my brand new son home, I did what I thought was the “natural” thing to do come bedtime. I lovingly placed him in his crib and watched him as he slept. For about ten minutes. Then he reached his arms out in his sleep and, startled to find nothing but open air around him, began to cry. This happened repeatedly over the next several hours until I gave up and put him in the crook of my arm in bed and fell asleep. He slept for four hours straight.

I can’t say that I didn’t try to fight bringing him into bed with my husband and me. My husband and I attempted to put him in a crib, a pack n’ play, anything but in the bed. We tried “cry it out” for two minutes before giving up. I wasn’t that cruel. We felt that we were damaging our son somehow by making him so dependent on our presence to fall asleep and stay asleep. It finally dawned on me that we weren’t damaging him, he needed us. With our presence, he felt calm and secure enough to fall sleep. And I have to admit, I felt more secure with him by my side too. I still can’t get enough of my children’s cuddles.

Thinking about it from a psychological/physiological frame of mind, I determined that the presence of the two most important people in our son’s life – his parents - made his world a little less stressful, a little less scary. What does a baby know best in his first days/weeks/months but his mother and father? As long as we are around, he has some familiarity as he gets to know the rest of the world he lives in. This lowers his stress response, encourages relaxation, and therefore allows him to drift off to sleep – and stay asleep for longer periods of time than he would if he were sleeping alone.

There is a great deal of co-sleeping controversy out there and some scare tactics being used that equate co-sleeping to putting your baby in the bed with a cleaver. I was terrified at first about embracing co-sleeping, but I eventually gained confidence that I was doing it in the safest way possible. Today, my husband and I sleep with both boys in the bed. My oldest son is three and my youngest is seven months. Co-sleeping does not limit sleeping arrangements to the parental bed. Co-sleeping has been defined to encompass any close proximity sleeping: in the same room in a different bed, next to the parents’ bed, or in the same bed.

These are the several precautions I take when sleeping with my children. Co-sleeping CAN be done safely!

• I know myself. I am naturally a light sleeper who doesn’t roll around in bed. I knew from the start that I would be even more sensitive to my baby being in the bed with me.  I also adopted a sleeping position with both boys as infants that pretty much guarantees that I will at least be brought to a semi-conscious state if they even so much as shift in their sleep. 
• I stay away from anything that hinders my ability to remain ever vigilant of our sons’ presence in the bed. No drugs, no alcohol, no sleeping pills. Ever. 
• I keep pillows and blankets away from the baby.
• I sleep between my 3 year old and my infant. As long as my youngest is small, I will not put them side by side as my oldest, like any toddler, moves around quite a bit in bed. 
• I bought a king-sized bed. More room means more space to breathe and move around safely. It is a simple design, no gaps between the mattress and the frame and no elaborate headboards where children can get their heads stuck. 

 So our “marital bed” has become the “family bed,” and I can honestly say that I have enjoyed having our children in bed with us. My husband is totally on board, too. We have had many conversations about our choice to co-sleep and both agree: the years are short and the boys will want their own space and privacy before we know it, so we are cherishing the time we have now to cuddle together at night. And I would be willing to bet that the security and warmth we are giving them now will allow them to grow into secure, independent men in the future.

About Traci
Hi! My name is Traci Ferris. I live in Katy, Texas, and I am the mother of two wonderful boys, ages three and seven months. I am a postpartum doula and recently began my business - A Family Friend Postpartum Support, which will be serving mothers in the Houston Metro area. I have a Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and a license to practice in the state of Georgia. I moved here to Texas in September 2011 and am in the process of transferring my license so that I can offer therapy services to families dealing with depression, anxiety, or trauma in the antenatal and postnatal periods. My Facebook page can be found at A Family Friend Postpartum Support